week 1 April 21, 2009

easter came and went it took miss a bit to understand egg hunting I’d show her where one is and she’d stare at it blankly like, yeah and? she certainly understood what was so good about them when we opened one for her ….. which was quicky followed by a couple of wrapped ones and later resulted in a multi coloured nappy

anyway no asking for boobie all weekend happy as can be without it so I started TF that tuesday any way 1 week on AF decides to visit on weigh day, I really gotta work out this cycle thing last month seemed a week early this month is 4 days early cause I marked it on the calendar not that its majorly important but it took a bit to convince the boy that men don’t have to ejaculate to release sperm, and I think he now kinda gets why I’m not really interested in another baby at least not for a very very long time and especially not if  I still have to work FT with 2 under 5 at home I think telling him that sometimes I just don’t want to come home for a few days so I can relax and do my own thing for a change helped

 any way back to the TF I was hoping to lose 2 kg or more but I got 1.2  and considering I haven’t been drinking enough water and I had ice cream and a tortilla (with chicken and salad) on wednesday and chinese minus the rice on sunday night I think thats pretty good next wekk I will do better I am hoping to start finding the time and energy to get back  on the Wii fit on rainy days like today and out for a walk on the not so rainy days… I wish someone would invent a harness that allows one to walk unruly dogs whilst pushing the pram i hate the pram but miss is a pain to walk down the street with atm even with her own lead on she keeps wanting to run for the road or falling over here and there which is fine if you have all night to get around the block and  isn’t practical with the dogs as well because they will be all over her

I have to get a more recent photo or vid of them all together I imagine a vid would show better they love her she loves them its very cute

what to do oh what to do April 9, 2009

I’ve been thinking for ages about losing weight….. agian sigh …. its slowyly crept back and now i am a little over 90KGs which is the heaviest I’ve gone up to without the excuse of preganancy causing it
its very sad
anyway I sortof decided to keep an eye on portion size etc and when we stop BFing hit tony ferguson for 6 weeks or sofor a bit of a kick up the bum then back to the stuff I know from WW combined with some yummy stuff from the symply too good books

well the time has come, I found in january I had to take the not offering aproach because I was just getting a little overwhelmed by everything and she has responded well we went straight to 2 feeds a night from 5 and none in the mornings from 1-2 with no issues what so ever
then cam last week when I realised she hasin’t asked (ie assumed the position and pulled my shirt while headbutting my chest cause she can’t undo the bra) for a little over a week perhaps now is a good time so I ordered 4 weeks of TF
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
this week alone she has asked 3 times so do I start looking at refusing and go ahead with plans for me or do I keep that nice closeness the cuddles the love the appreciation and trust … sigh

I have kinda decided to take the next few weeks as the come the earliest any of the TF stuff runs out is december this year, I imagine by then she’ll either stop asking or I can pass those over to SIL …. but then again whos saying a tf shake rather than an upand go for breakfast would be and issue it only the full plan that you can’t do while BF (at all) because of the by products of that form of weight loss

happy easter every one we are heading to the bay very early i the morning guess I should put myself to bed

seafood lunch cruise sydney harbour April 6, 2009

it was supposed to be a nice day out just the two of us…. so much for that the whole month I was looking forward to it deciding what to wear organising Prill and tip boy to look after miss and take her to swimming while fighting off the boy’s miserable comments about not wanting to go and I should take my mum great to know he wants to spend time with me
followed by in the last week why can’t we take miss, we should just take her …. grrrr
the night before how are we getting there figure that out reorganise the babysitting around our leaving time lots of tear etc and I have no idea what about prolly cause I’ve been organising the whole thing myself andnhe showed no interest in helping look up the transport details
the morning arrives we get ready to go miss is breakfasted prill arives give her tha basic rundown the boy insists of getting clean clothes and dressing miss them making her a milo with me all the while trying to get him out the door
we wander off chatting as we walk the boy dosen’t walk very fast i know I don’t walk often but I do walk quickly porbably as a result of my work walk to the job quickly walk back quickly
anyway trying to eg him on and get to the bus we watch one that we could have caught but wasn’t mentioned by the planing website sail by then as we get close to the stop the website recomended a bus with the number we were supposed to catch went around the corner ….. I lost it so much pushing and shoving and trying to get things hapening so we can spend some quality time together and we miss our bus the boy coped all of you you $%@# should have walked faster you don’t care about me you caused us to be late I ahet that you always do this to me ytou always ruin my nice day out I should never have expected to get it this @##% always happens and its not fair …. and well you get the idea I can be a nasty horible person

meanwhile he calls a cab rather than just turning around and walking away like he could have or yelling back

the cab is quick he must have been just around the corner we jump in the clock on the dash says 932 the bus we were supposed to catch comes at 941 we were 10 mins early blast! at the station I try to appologise all he says is don’t worry I’m used to it shit I called him the worst names under the sun he should have walked away he could have slaped me but he is used to it how the hell does he get to be used to treatment like that how can he be used to me who hardly swears swearing at him so loud my voice breaks thats just not fair, I wonder if and how long we can last like this I wonder ometimes if there is something I can do but what I’ve been to Drs over years and years you could prolly even trace dr visits back to primary school and always its the same there is nothing wrong with you back then iI just plain felt really sick not throwing up just felt sick high school I was always sooo tired late teens got to a point that dad thought I was on drugs then came a dr who sort of listened he thought I should join a church or a club or something like that no offence to those who are practising christians but church just isn’t my thing actually the whole concept of a higher power makes me anxious now theres this the same crap I dished out to mum and dad at 15 I serve to the boy and he’s become used to it and I’ve yet again blamed him for ruining what was ment to be a good day that I ruined myself

btw we were both ecpecting something a little fancy like the panorama resturant but the cruise food wasn’t even up to band club standards at least the views were nice and the information good recomend it to anyone visiting sydney

tip boy took miss to swimming but put her in her swimmers before they left home luckily she didn’t wee till they got to the pools and were waiting to get in